Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
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