we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
