so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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