textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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