Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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