I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
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