She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
