dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
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