I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
