Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
