shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
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