If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Alive.
So much puke
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize
