I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
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