If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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