I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I was not drunk enough for that final.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
