i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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