Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
