Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Randomize