fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
