I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
