I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
false alarm. still invincible.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I just forgot I was standing up.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Randomize
