I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
