I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize