Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Randomize
