Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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