How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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