I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
