Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize