That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Randomize
