Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
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