So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
