She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
