Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
