He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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