captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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