so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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