its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize