as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
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