I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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