so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
