I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
