respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
