Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Randomize
