We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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