"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
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