problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
