Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize
