We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Randomize
