I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize