I faked an abortion last night.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
She just used a chaser for red wine.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
