My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
one two three fourrrrnication!
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
