Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Randomize