Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
