UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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