I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize