3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Randomize