i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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