i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
