found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
