i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
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