I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Congratulations! We have a period
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