Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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