so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Randomize
