No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Randomize