I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
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