okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
