She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Randomize
