R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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