Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
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