Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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