I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
