Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
