If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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