sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
