I'd wear matching sweaters with you
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
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