My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
