OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
