we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
