i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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