fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize