This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
