I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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