My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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