What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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