nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Randomize
