Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
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