I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
