I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
