Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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