I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Randomize