Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
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