halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
We left the knife in your bed.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize