Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
