my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Randomize
