youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I would ride that face into the sunset
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
