I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
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